I had a few dollars in my pocket left over from our “blow” category from our budget and since I have been eating better decided the best place to find good food was at the grocery store. I pulled into the Food Lion on my way back to work in my $400.00 car and was off to see what I could get for $3 to satisfy my hunger.

The strange thing about trying to find a good deal when I knew I could afford a bad deal was how empowering it made me feel. We have determined to use our debit card for gas and use good old fashioned cash for everything else and that three dollars felt like a million knowing it was already spent on paper.

Right away I found a diet orange Food Lion soda for 33 cents. I wandered around between the deli and produce section and settled on the perfect naval orange and apple. I really wanted a cheeseburger and fries, but Food Lion doesn’t sell those so my plan worked. Feeling really good about my choices I was on my way to the checkout.

Shopping with a forced limited amount of money is a refreshing change for me. We have always had a basic budget, but with Julie putting her career on hold to home-school and Emily moving in, we really needed a budget. Spending a week on my back thinking about my families ability to make it without my income was a wake up call I could not ignore. I have an obligation to take care of them, made a covenant with my wife I would take care of her, and to be perfectly honest, was not doing a very good job.

With fruit and orange colored Splenda sweetened flavored water in hand I fell in line behind a young lady buying baby food. I noticed that was all she was purchasing and noticed a WIC voucher in her hand.

I was immediately taken back in time to a place that held both very good and very bad memories for me.

The checker could not figure out how to use the voucher and I stood face to face with my past with my present on the belt. I remembered standing in line with my wife and new baby with WIC vouchers in hand. I remembered the shame and embarrassment and the stares and sometimes words from people in line behind us. I remembered working two work study jobs in between my 6 studio classes during the day and pulling all nighters working at a hotel just to try and make it. Those days were wonderfully horrible but we made it through.

The young lady turned around and apologized but all I could say was “your okay”. With help from the manager, they finally figured out the voucher and scanned her baby food. She was short 2 jars. I gave her a smile and off she ran to fill her quota.

I think I stood there for at least 8 minutes as the people behind me jumped to other lanes. I was glad to be there. How I wish when times were tough for us a forty year old that had “been there” stood behind us instead of a sneering old man loudly proclaiming “look what they are buying with food stamps”. I wondered if she was single, if she considered ending the life of her child, if our church just down the road would embrace or condemn her for her choices. I considered what her options, if any, are when it comes to feeding her baby and the difficult road she had ahead of her.

She was a good mom, that was certain, she endured the shame of having to ask for public assistance which is about the most demoralizing thing you can do. She obviously loved her baby more than herself and for that I could wait. For that, I could wait and stand guard to make sure she left with dignity.

She grabbed her food, flashed me a smile, and said she was sorry. “Your okay” I said back. It was all I could say, but I think I was saying it more for me than for her.

I have never been happier to be next in line.