Blessed Beyond Measure
Deep Thoughts
Worship Music
Jul 30th
Want to try something fun? Search for "Worship Music" in the bible and see what you get.
Kind of interesting no?
I don't know how to change the current perception that worship is music and music is worship in the post modern age but as a "worship leader" I feel compelled to try.
The irony is that singing can indeed be an act of worship and as musicians our native language is music, so to speak, so the line gets blurry for us. Adding to that blur is the fact that most churches reinforce the idea of worship only being music by focusing so heavily on it while stamping out other forms of expression.
I think that needs to change somehow.
I tend to break the connection between worship and music by saying music is sometimes worship but music is always music. I pull that line out especially when our music has been less than musical and I feel like we are giving poor musical performance a pass because it is "worship". Talking about music in this way has helped our dialogue as church leaders and has opened up our congregation.
Breaking the implied connection of worship to music should be a priority, in my opinion, especially if we want to see new expressions of worship entering the church. This can only help us in the long run by removing the pressure of music trying to be all things to all people and biblically accurate enough to satisfy the command to love God and others with our lives.
There is no song crafted well enough to replace a life fully surrendered to our King.
Since I am a musician I will always be drawn to music as my primary form of expression but it sure is refreshing to see people bring their own unique non musical offering to the temple again.
Happiness
May 20th
Happiness.
Happiness is one of those states of being that just happens when you are a kid. Happiness in a child is expected, so much so that when a child is unhappy everyone takes notice, like at the checkout line. When a child is unhappy, or cranky, or whining, people notice and the reason is that children are not normally unhappy.
Something is wrong when a child is unhappy.
Somewhere along the path of maturity happiness takes a back seat to prudence. By the time we reach puberty being happy is no longer celebrated or expected behavior. Pensive, brooding, disgusted, affected seem to be the norm at 18. Happiness only shows itself on a select few theater kids or cheerleaders and they are resented for it.
By the time we reach adulthood happiness is found in a bottle or pill or event but very rarely is it a normal part of our day. Happiness is no longer default, it has turned into something that must be attained. Most people you meet in adulthood seem content to keep happiness hidden and compartmentalized away from their “regular” day.
Something is weird when an adult is happy all the time.
Perhaps it is just the circle I run in but most everyone I know is just blah. They aren’t necessarily unhappy, but there is certainly not enough evidence to convict them of being happy.
They’re troubled.
You can see it on their faces. You can read it in their eyes.
Why?
When I watch my daughter run around the house with whatever she can stick on her head carefree and happy it makes me wonder why. Why did I decide that running around the house with whatever I could stick on my head was beneath me? When did I start worrying about what unhappy people thought? When did I start waking up feeling unhappy and why am I content to live without happiness?
Well, I’m not.
From here on out I am going to be happy becuase happy people are fun to be around and I have enough unhappy people around me already.
Go be happy.
Cry me a river
Apr 15th
I started my next painting last week after trying in vain to get the first five printed at work. I was finally able to get the printing done last night and with any luck will have everything up at the yogurt shop tomorrow.
The giclee’s didn’t turn out too bad, not as nice as I would have liked, but good considering the photographs were a little low res for the print process. Once I get my originals back I will scan them a portion at a time and see if I can get original that work better.
This experience has been interesting, sometimes frightening, sometimes exhausting, and always emotional. It’s not unlike standing in front of someone naked, in the middle of winter, after a cold shower, 100 pounds overweight, bathed in fluorescent lighting, on a stage. Honestly, it is a very vulnerable insecure self loathing critical thinking judgmental place putting ones artwork out for all the world to stare and point fingers at. It makes me really nervous and yet I am compelled to start websites like RohrFineArt.com to invite even more strangers to stare at my nakedness from the comfort of their own home.
Why do I do this to myself?
Why do I feel so repulsed yet compelled to create? Why do I stand up in front of hundreds each week and sing my heart out and get completely lost in the moment and act a fool only then to consider what I must look look like acting the fool and shudder at my vulnerability and do it all again next week? Why do I paint pictures and hang them in public spaces inviting people to be critical and then live in fear they might actually have an opinion and in response to that fear invite more people to criticize?
I have come to the conclusion that I can’t help myself.
I am fatally drawn to create by the Creator and His passion and love for me is something I can no longer control. I am being pulled along, overtaken, swept up in the swift current of this great romance and drowning in the conviction that His affection toward me is real. In that place, face to face, the reflection of me through gentle eyes is so lovely, so pure, so sweet and intoxicating I willingly let go of my last breath of self perception and inhale His.
I don’t understand it, I can’t adequately describe it, but I know it is real becuase the version of me, the idea of me, the one I find when I am caught up with Him is so not from me. I know what I think about me, I have spent a lifetime creating this visage and I know all too well the way I can detest it. My me and God’s me are quite disparate at times. My me and God’s me would not be friends most days. My me and God’s me would argue almost all the time about almost everything. My me and God’s me are worlds apart most days but my me and God’s me are getting to know each other.
I guess that might be the point of it all in the end, getting to know God’s me instead of my me.
So with fear and trepidation I drop the layers of my me and step on stages to become naked so that I can put on God’s me.
25 things I have learned
May 5th
1) The number of people you meet only one time outnumbers the number of people you will meet more than once so treating people like complete strangers is a prudent thing to do.
2) Because you will most likely never see them again, who cares what people think about you.
3) There is always someone bigger and smaller, prettier and uglier, taller and shorter, richer and poorer.
4) Taking and eight month old into a cave opens you up to variables you can not control.
5) Variables you can not control can be quite terrifying.
6) Variables you can not control can be quite amusing.
7) Hunger is okay.
God is more interested in what YOU think about Him than what others tell you to think about Him.
9) Religion killed Jesus and has been trying to keep him killed ever since.
10) Religion is mans attempt to please God.
11) God is already pleased and in a very good mood.
12) No matter how much spit ends up on your face, your child’s kisses are always worth the mess.
13) At some point it will be your fault.
14) Tragedy + Time = Comedy.
15) The only “have to” is what you decide to make a have to.
16) Back pain sucks.
17) Looking too closely at something will almost always turn into work.
18) Work was never supposed to be like this.
19) There is always a servant and a master.
20) Even servants are masters of something.
21) The smaller the home the bigger the dog.
22) People own pets to feel better about the cage they live in.
23) The earth is out to kill us for what we did to it and in the end it will succeed.
24) The earth is locked in a constant conflict of interest because even though man was the reason for the problem, man is also the solution.
25) Change is not change until it is changed.
The waiting is the hardest part
Jan 23rd
Every day it get’s more and more…..
I seem to be doing much waiting lately. Even though I am busy, very busy, I am still waiting.
Not sure if that even makes sense, or even possible, but it is how I feel and everyone knows feelings are reality.
sigh.
There is so much going on in my life I can hardly keep up with it and that irritates me. It irritates me because it is like the the last month of school before summer vacation. I can see what I want, it is just beyond my reach, and between me and it is a never ending procession of tests and finals and meetings and clutter.
The worst part is, I can’t just climb over the pile.
I have to attend to each end every item, no matter how insignificant, and put it in its place.
It ‘s just so much work.
Mundane drudgery that just seems so endless compared to the gleaming prize at the end of road.
So I wait and I plan and pick up and put down and slide and topple and kick and repair and rest and begin again.
I am gaining ground, sluggishly slow most days, but gaining ground.
The funny thing? The weird part? The most ridiculous thing?
I have no idea where I am going.
I can see it, it has no form, no definition, no clarity, it just sits there out ahead.
Calling, beckoning, alluring, pulling.
Quietly asking the question but secretly shielding the answer until curiosity compels me to move.
Move through the pile of stuff that needs tending.
Because good things come to those who wait.
I can feel it coming.
Dec 9th
It is no secret, primarily because I am a blabber mouth, that I have way too much time on my hands.
An argument could be made, a compelling one at that, that I am a workaholic, so learning to relax at thirty nine is truly a blessing.
Hogwash!
No matter how I try, there is no way sitting down doing nothing is going to be good for me. Even if I was able to lobotomize myself I am certain my body would autonomically throw itself on the floor and convulse itself around the room like a human dust mop.
I.just.can’t.not.do!
I know, and I am sorry for you learned readers and I agree that I should have paid better attention in grammar classes, but the mold has been set so just think of me as special and rejoice in the fact that I can communicate at any level.
I will say however, I am not like I used to be (and all of SouthEastern Virginia rejoices) in that for the most part I am content. It may seem contrary to say that given the declarative statement above, but for me there is a difference in what I do and what I think and what I am.
I have always been pluralistic. Some would call that schizophrenia (should I be concerned I spelled that correctly on the first try) and it probably is a form of it, but I can and often do watch and hear myself in third person. I have always had this ability and sometimes the ability to do it has completely enamored me. There are conversations that I have recorded where I have literally watched myself talking from multiple angles and can replay the scene in my mind with such clarity that I can see my own expressions.
Okay, THAT is weird.
My point is, I have always been able to separate the inner me from the outer me from the other inner me. I chalk this up to the fact that I really paid attention when learning about the trinity. I figure if God is three in one and I am created in His image, I should expect the same for me. And me. And the other me.
For clarity, lets call my body Davie, by spirit Dave and my soul David. Forget clarity, lets call them that for amusement. Davie has always been and will always be on the go. Ask Mom, ask my wife, ask anyone who works with me and they will tell you, Davie can’t sit still, is quite content to be doing, and will most likely lie twitching for hours even after Dave and David are united up with Pa Pa.
It is Davie, primarily because of his ability to inflict discomfort and pain, that has received most of the attention these last thirty nine years. There is good reason for this, without Davie Dave and David would be of little use. Davie is the baby and everyone knows babies are self centered and unreasonable. Because of Davie, Dave and David have had much extra work to do. To be fair, Davie only does what Dave asks him to do and most times Dave spends too much time apart from David so Davie ends up doing things Dave really wants to do instead of things David is not allowed to do.
Ehem.
Lately, David has been given more head time but this has led to a disturbing discovery. Dave, with the willing help of Davie, have created a lifestyle and environment that David does not think we all were suited for and is determined to destroy.
For instance, David hates technology. That is a very real problem because Dave really liked technology as he could hid himself in his abilities and protect Davie and himself from the world. David does not think this is reality, is a complete waste of time, and destructive. David is correct, but David is also very zealous and to be honest has no concept of the ramifications this will have on Dave and Davie. David is quite comfortable being who he is, we applaud that attribute, but resent the determination he has to make the others comfortable in that as well.
David is making changes that Dave is not very comfortable with.
After considering the place David wants to take Dave and Davie, Dave is actually the only one that is objecting. Dave has an overinflated sense of responsibility that must be dismantled, but Dave can feel it coming so pushes against it. Davie and David are ganging up on him to force him to take a break, and Dave fears they will accomplish just that.
Don’t tell anyone, but Dave is really happy about that.
Unity
Nov 6th
I hate religion.
There is nothing more destructive and dangerous to our world than religion and I want nothing to do with it. When people think I am religious, I cringe a little, vomit in my mouth, and plead that they give me another chance.
In spite of my detest for religion, I love religious people. I am not all that fond of the zealots that think God is telling them to kill doctors, strap on bombs, topple sky scrapers, turn the desert to glass, or invade sovereign nations, but I have empathy for them none the less.
They have been deceived.
Being a gullible chap by nature, I understand how one can lose oneself into religion. It can happen to the best intentioned soul and before you know it you have a well worn path of religious tradition in your life.
Religion is comforting.
God is a concept that is challenging to grasp even on a sober day and religion gives us something we can hold in our hands. Beads, crosses, prayer rugs, candles, Bibles, Korans, statues, rocks, guns, knives, legislation, all of it calls to us and gives us the sense that we are somehow in control.
I think at the heart of who we are is this insatiable need to touch the hand of our maker. Religion gives us something we can touch, it is a counterfeit, but if feels good none the less.
I am struggling with religion again.
I am not personally struggling with it, perhaps a better way to say it is that it is struggling against me, and it has taken out some of my friends.
The election seems to have polarized something in the church. I want to make a distinction between the church and religion because they are vastly different. The church, outside of its religious traditions, is a wonderful force for good on the earth. The problem is, most of the church has slipped into religion and as such has starting barring the doors and shoring up walls getting ready to defend all they believe.
I witnessed this type of behavior two Sundays in a row where I worship. I wish I knew how we move from trusting and promoting a God of love to trusting and promoting legislation to appease Him? Fearing His judgment and forcing those who do not know Him to change is baffling. To mandate law instead of offering a better way through love smacks of serving a god we can not hold, and are desperately trying to.
Instead of changing anything, we lash out at people whom by their very nature are unaware of what they do to assuage our own guilty conscience and realization that we have blood on our hands, because we know better.
They have been deceived, but we have been deceitful.
The apostle Paul writes about the law and how before the law we were blameless but now that the law has come we are guilty. He goes on to lament that the more he knows about the law the more he is convicted by it. The law is simply a standard. If you go through life never knowing the standard was there, you are ignorant of it and not guilty of breaking it intentionally, but you are still guilty of missing the standard.
I don’t want this to get too theological, but that impossible scenario – Not knowing the law and falling short of it through ignorance and now knowing the law but still falling short of it even more hopelessly – was the reason we needed a Savior.
I happen to think that if God went to all the trouble to murder his Son, and He was pleased to do it to set us free from the consequences of falling short, I think He can handle those who do not know Him yet. The most difficult questions He asks is for those who do know Him, but that is a for another post.
Hearing the declarations Sunday, loosely and appallingly veiled in scripture, I felt the familiar sting of religion slap my face. It starts with the self righteous assurance of standing on the “one truth” and before you know it walls start to close in and doors slam shut as people start grasping for handfuls of god. We shake our bloody fists of god at the world, at one another, at those who don’t look like us proclaiming his judgment on them. We plead and cry and rend our garments in vain attempts to relieve our conscience of the guilt we feel inside. We lash out at our brothers and sisters with our religion and proclamations and fear because their handful of God doesn’t look like our handful.
We divide.
We alienate.
We segregate.
We destroy the very thing that mattered all along, the thing worth living and dying for.
Unity.
God forgive us.
